So now it's 11/16 and I'm STILL furiously annotating - while also grading second portfolios, trying to avoid a major Teaching Fail in these final weeks, and living on almost literally nothing. Seriously, I need to go through the month's expenses with a comb next week because I have *no* idea how this check went so fast. I mean, that's not true - it was overpriced wine, eating out and Chicago. But still.
And now - Superpowers I currently wish I had:
The Power to Stop Polo Overturning his Water Glass! Weak start, I know. But it's driving me insane. Background - the two of them have always loved drinking out of people cups. I don't really understand the allure it holds for them, and it appears to be independent of cleanliness; no matter how clean and new the water in their bowl and how old the water in the glass, they go for the glass every time. They've broken a good number of them this way, by knocking them off tables and such while trying to stick their heads down far enough to get to the liquid. So a few weeks ago, I decided to stop fighting it and give them their own "cat glass." (Really what happened was that I left a pint glass of water on the floor and they practically danced a jig around it every time I was in the room, so I decided to just let things take their course.) I top it off whenever I think of it, they stay better hydrated, we all win. Except that Polo cannot stop knocking the fucking thing over. Not once in the first two weeks, but now it's like, every day. And I don't understand it at all. I've seen it happen enough to have a decent sense of it - he drinks, stops, bats at the glass with a (huge, huge) paw, drinks some more, bats some more, until BOOM! it tips. And somehow he's surprised. I have no clue why he keeps doing it - I'm leaning towards a theory that he's got depth perception issues like that dog in Clean Slate, but that would make his uncanny ability to jump onto crowded side tables without knocking shit over a legit superpower on its own, so who knows. But it's getting old.
The power to shake my students just shy of silly with my MIND! This isn't a unique wish. And a lot of them are doing great - honestly, it's probably more me than them. But come the fuck on, guys. We're in this together. It's an odd group - the majority of them are really great, unique, interesting people, but somehow there is *no* sense of community, all very fragmented and kind of "..."
The power to not be such a pushover in regards to my personal life! Awhile back, I realized dragging myself through a fog of misery created by my inability to stop hoping things with Cesco would somehow work out was probably not very good for me, and took the shockingly proactive step of cutting him out of my life entirely. He was not a huge fan of this, but I thought I'd been clear it was really best for me. And yet magically here we are six weeks later with me helping him revise his CV and essays for grad school applications. I suppose it's not, you know, shocking that I would do this; Brad's training has reduced(/elevated, depending on the day) me to the point where I have an almost Pavlovian response to people who are writing applications for anything - I'm like the Lassie of writing tasks. Plus Lord knows I'd like to see him once again living 800+ miles away from me. But I'm still kind of at a loss as to how he wrangled me from complete radio silence into exchanging lighthearted CV-themed banter within the space of less than a week. To channel Ron Burgundy - I'm not even mad I'm just impressed. Mad will come when I read his personal statement and realize all over again how much the universe conspired to fuck me over on this one, but even then it will be largely channeled at myself. It's the painfully ironic romantic clusterfuck that just keeps on giving, I guess.
The power to make money appear in my checking account! I literally cannot patronize any of the seven hundred-odd Madison establishments that only take cash because I have a balance of 5.92. It's just wins all around for me right now. Christ.
The power to go back in time and sign Leigh and I up for presentation dates that aren't December 1st! I'm sorry, but asking me to give an even vaguely formal presentation about my final paper three full weeks before said paper is due is just ridiculous and unreasonable. It's asking us all to engage in a collective act of fantasy - Mike will pretend it's sane and logical to ask us to present work that clearly, absolutely does not exist yet, I will pretend that what I'm saying actually forms part of some existing seminar paper-esque piece of work, and my classmates will pretend they care. It's just pure farce designed to put me in my grave early and ensure that stress makes me as annoyed by and annoying to my family over Thanksgiving as possible.
The power to remember where I'm allowed to park my car on a given day! Seriously Madison, what the fuck is up with your parking regulations? Come on. Though I've discovered that the alternate-side thing may not be as awful as I'd expected - but it's still annoying.
No comments:
Post a Comment