I scream, you scream

Theorizing about whether or not the ice cream truck in my neighborhood sells drugs and if so how and what kind has recently become kind of a significant preoccupation with me lately. [Edit 6/14: This is like the worst sentence I've written in awhile. I was going to edit it but decided to leave it because it's almost humorous in its badness.] For those of you who've never seen this thing, this is less idle a speculation than it would be with most ice cream trucks. For one thing, this thing is *ancient.* I think significant portions of it are actually made of wood, it's so jury-rigged and generally all-around ghetto. In other words, it doesn't so much look like this:

As like this:

 Now imagine that baby but a model about 20 years older, painted a sickly light blue/grey with some kind of paint that's demonstrably not intended for automobiles, with "ice cream" hastily stenciled on both sides and the roof. That's more or less what we're talking about here. But I haven't come to the best part, the clincher that makes theorizing about its potential secondary wares so inescapable: roughly 3/5 of the time, it's playing Christmas carols.

The weirdness that brings is upped even further by the fact that I first heard it come around this year in like, late February or early March - some time in there when it was clearly and fully still winter. But also clearly and fully not Christmas either. Let me tell you, when you're 3/4 through a Wisconsin winter and nearly insane for some sign of spring's approach, there is nothing more surreal than seeing that symbol of golden summer afternoons, an ice cream truck, amble past while loudly playing "O Come All Ye Faithful." Now that it's the ice cream truck's natural season, it's been coming around more frequently - but still playing carols at least half the time, if not slightly more. I'm also not sure I've ever seen anyone buy from it (though I'm sure they must).

All of which adds up to it being impossible not to imagine this baby peddling drugs. And like, more than just a little pot - it's so bedraggled and worn-looking, so kind of half-assing its efforts to appeal to children (presumably, were it a legit ice cream sales venue, its target audience), so bereft of the lazy yet heartwarming colorful sloppiness of a stonermobile, that it's got to be something darker - more along the lines of meth. (Though admittedly that might be the 25-odd episodes of Breaking Bad I've watched in the past 5 days.)

My current operating theory is that it plays Christmas music to signal that it's open for non-ice cream related business. Because honestly - why else would you play Christmas music from your ice cream truck in May when you could be playing "Camptown Races" or "Farmer in the Dell" or any number of other chimey staccato renditions of classic non-seasonally themed favorites? Shit's got to be some kind of code.

In other news, prelims reading begins full-time in 6 days. God save me. Maybe I should look into buying some of that ice cream meth.