I'm happy.
It's a little after midnight, and I'm sitting on the old striped couch that once belonged to my grandmother and is now a fiercely guarded family treasure (despite its objective hideousness). The woodstove is blazing merrily in one corner, and in the opposite corner is the tree. All nine stockings - Mark, Melissa, Juliette, Gabriella, Mom, Dad, Ben, Kat and me - are hanging along the walls beneath the windows. An electric train runs around the base of the tree, and inside its track and along the walls are all the presents - predominantly for the little ones, J and G, but some for the rest of us too.
I'm so happy.
It's wonderful to be here in my uncle's house in NH, our two families together for Christmas. I've always been very close with my uncle, and since he's lived here for nine years it feels familiar and like home in a way no where else does now. And since it's not *my* family's house in NC, where I'm never fully comfortable or settled and where I regularly get lost coming home from routine shopping trips, I'm relaxed in a way I haven't been at Christmas since...since the last time we spent it here. My cousins (Juliette is 3, Gabriella is 2) are unbelievably adorable.
My grandparents not being here also makes a difference. I feel guilty saying it but it's true. I love them both very much, but they create stress for the rest of us in a huge way. Last time they stayed with my family in NC, this exchange occurred: G - "Is there any more pinot grigio?" Me - "No, sorry Grampa, it's gone." G - "...disappointing." So while they are in our thoughts and missed, it makes for a much, much more easygoing holiday season.
I don't know what it is. Maybe it's that I'm officially done with the most demanding semester since fall MA year. Maybe it's that I feel like I real person again and not a mechanical grad student shell of my former self. Maybe it's being reminded that there's parts of me I still really care about that are not in Madison.
There are downsides. I've barely spoken 10 sentences to my parents - not for any real reason, just how it's happened - my sister is a closed book I'm not entirely sure I want to/am ready to open, and I've yet to leave the house to go anywhere but the mall. But even so - I'm very happy, and I find myself smiling at even the most insignificant tableaus. Once upon a time I was naive enough to love my family so much I thought we were perfect, with a perfect dynamic. This year is by no means a return to that, but it makes me feel like, various dysfunctions aside, there's really something here.
Realizing your family is loveable and comforting despite their dysfunctions: isn't that what the holidays are all about?
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
The silver linings
Today was utterly lamesauce in every way except for these things:
- Andy and his constant gold-star-winning
- seeing Abby and Lindsey for the first time in ages, even if we didn't get to have dinner
- randomly acquiring, at tiny tiny odds, a tiny plastic Naughty Sorceress in Kingdom of Loathing
I realize that this last makes me a really big dork, all the more so because I've posted about it here, but I don't care. That shit made my day. It's really the small things that get you through this time of year.
- Andy and his constant gold-star-winning
- seeing Abby and Lindsey for the first time in ages, even if we didn't get to have dinner
- randomly acquiring, at tiny tiny odds, a tiny plastic Naughty Sorceress in Kingdom of Loathing
I realize that this last makes me a really big dork, all the more so because I've posted about it here, but I don't care. That shit made my day. It's really the small things that get you through this time of year.
Monday, December 14, 2009
And I thought I'd be done by now. Silly Becca, unrealistic dreams are for undergrads!
I'm losing steam. I still have to finish Russ's paper - by tomorrow evening at the latest. I have to do some major work on my proposal for Deb. I have to grade 35 papers.
Sigh. Oh well, things aren't nearly as dire as they were a few days ago, when I had 6 hours to write a presentation (which I thought was 20 minutes but was in fact 12, a misconception that actually proved useful), then 8 hours to write my entire proposal draft (didn't happen, clearly), and finally 4 hours to write a conference-length paper (admittedly from a very thorough outline, but still a grave, grave miscalculation on my part). I suppose it could have been worse - at least these 18 hours weren't consecutive.
If only there wasn't so much enjoyable stuff I wanted to do in the next few days - dinner with various friends, shopping on State Street, Christmas movies...the fact that I have to work a writing center shift tomorrow night also does not help. Though let's be honest, the time would have been eaten by the holiday party anyhow.
Sigh. Oh well, things aren't nearly as dire as they were a few days ago, when I had 6 hours to write a presentation (which I thought was 20 minutes but was in fact 12, a misconception that actually proved useful), then 8 hours to write my entire proposal draft (didn't happen, clearly), and finally 4 hours to write a conference-length paper (admittedly from a very thorough outline, but still a grave, grave miscalculation on my part). I suppose it could have been worse - at least these 18 hours weren't consecutive.
If only there wasn't so much enjoyable stuff I wanted to do in the next few days - dinner with various friends, shopping on State Street, Christmas movies...the fact that I have to work a writing center shift tomorrow night also does not help. Though let's be honest, the time would have been eaten by the holiday party anyhow.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
It's the most [expletive] time of the year
...well, not really. But kinda.
It's always an odd juxtaposition, Christmas and end-of-semester. I spent most of today reading about propaganda and children's literature while listening to the "Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown" soundtrack. It actually wasn't a bad day - I'm at the point where working on papers is less stressful than not working on them, and I like my topics well enough to make research tolerable. I'm feeling more in control of the whole "papers" situation, and while I'm by no means close to where I should be in terms of completing stuff on time, I am confident I can finish in something resembling a timely fashion.
I'm making more of an effort to be in the Christmas spirit this year. The last few years I felt like I missed the season almost entirely, which sucked. So this year I want to decorate more - I put up lights last night - listen to more holiday music, maybe go to a concert, watch some classic specials...when will I do all this, you ask? Well, since all my papers (theoretically, in the magical ideal dream world my professors apparently inhabit) have to be in by the 13th (and hopefully *will* be in by the 15th or 16th) I have three or four days in town with only some grading to do, in which I can hopefully get in a little Christmas cheer. We'll see.
It's always an odd juxtaposition, Christmas and end-of-semester. I spent most of today reading about propaganda and children's literature while listening to the "Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown" soundtrack. It actually wasn't a bad day - I'm at the point where working on papers is less stressful than not working on them, and I like my topics well enough to make research tolerable. I'm feeling more in control of the whole "papers" situation, and while I'm by no means close to where I should be in terms of completing stuff on time, I am confident I can finish in something resembling a timely fashion.
I'm making more of an effort to be in the Christmas spirit this year. The last few years I felt like I missed the season almost entirely, which sucked. So this year I want to decorate more - I put up lights last night - listen to more holiday music, maybe go to a concert, watch some classic specials...when will I do all this, you ask? Well, since all my papers (theoretically, in the magical ideal dream world my professors apparently inhabit) have to be in by the 13th (and hopefully *will* be in by the 15th or 16th) I have three or four days in town with only some grading to do, in which I can hopefully get in a little Christmas cheer. We'll see.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Taking organizational problems to a new level
From The Overland Mail, 1948:
"So far as India is concerned the story of the mail service commences with the history of the Hon. East India Company, that famous trading corporation of seventeenth-century English Merchant Adventurers who in course of time secured India for the Empire, and in studying the career of Waghorn, a native of Kent, we should do well to bear in mind the observation of Charles Grey in his entertaining book "The Merchant Adventurers of London," that the mariners of the East India Company seem almost without exception to have hailed from Chatham, Deptford, Limehouse, Rotherhithe, Rochester and Wapping."
"So far as India is concerned the story of the mail service commences with the history of the Hon. East India Company, that famous trading corporation of seventeenth-century English Merchant Adventurers who in course of time secured India for the Empire, and in studying the career of Waghorn, a native of Kent, we should do well to bear in mind the observation of Charles Grey in his entertaining book "The Merchant Adventurers of London," that the mariners of the East India Company seem almost without exception to have hailed from Chatham, Deptford, Limehouse, Rotherhithe, Rochester and Wapping."
Monday, November 30, 2009
Ohmigodohmigod
What the HELL is going on with my writing process???? And of course it's like trying to fall asleep...once you starting worrying about it consciously it becomes ten times harder to do.
Lame. Lamelamelamelame.
Lame. Lamelamelamelame.
Monday, November 23, 2009
But a Step in Which Direction Exactly?
Today I realized that there's been a percentage flip in my clothing choices each day: where I used to go for cute over comfort 75% of the time and comfort 25%, I now do the opposite. If that.
I'm not sure what, if anything, this means about my current life situation. I think I shall choose to interpret it as a need for more cute clothes and shop accordingly on Friday. Mostly to stave off the creeping panic fed by the cats and my growing shut-in lifestyle that I'm going to wake up 70 years old any day now.
I'm not sure what, if anything, this means about my current life situation. I think I shall choose to interpret it as a need for more cute clothes and shop accordingly on Friday. Mostly to stave off the creeping panic fed by the cats and my growing shut-in lifestyle that I'm going to wake up 70 years old any day now.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Random Notes
- My writing center shifts have been going well lately, despite having 9 hours/wk these past three weeks instead of six. The CRC shifts have been slow, which is ideal because it lets me do some reading and sometimes give the people who do come some extra time; the Wednesday night shifts have been a good balance of reoccuring meetings with people I've enjoyed helping (an early-30s elementary school vice principal with a great project idea but cutely afraid to start writing his lit review for fear of making a mistake, a cute and incredibly smart Chilean woman doing a PhD in development studies whose English writing skill amaze and shame me), undergrads coming in for various papers, and no-shows. Fridays have been similar. It's a small thing, but it really makes me happy when people come back to see me - unlike working with students, you don't usually get to see the result of your work with WC students, whether or not you actually helped them, so their coming back can be a nice affirmation. I mean, they wouldn't come back if it wasn't helping, right? Except this one kid, poor guy - I keep trying to help him with papers for this one English class, he's been to see me and a few other WC people like 10 times for that class and he's still doing so poorly he needs extra credit. I think that's a personal problem between him and the prof though - and I don't deal with personal problems. (What's that from?)
I love working in the writing center.
- My cats, though I love them still, are beginning to annoy me as well. Polo's gotten really bad about getting up in my business when I'm trying to type. From a recent email to Jamie: "He's got two approaches: The British Colonial Technique, where he just barges right onto it with his enormous self and tries to gain territory with sheer attack power, and The French Colonial Technique, where he lies down riiiight next to it and lolls his head onto the side of it so he's not actually *on* it but his fur is obstructing two columns of keys, then slooooowly edges over. He's like "you don't need that W, do you? Wouldn't you rather have MY HAIR ALL UP IN YOUR GRILL!" Lately he'll even nip our fingers if we try to type while we should so clearly (in his mind) be petting him. Considering the number of pages I have to type in the next...oh, 25 days or so (approx 60, not including student paper comments), this is poor timing on his part.
Also, though he's by no means a glutton, he is causing food problems in our household. Since I'm both lazy and not good at remembering to do things (ie, the VS return sitting all packaged and everything in my closet, ten million other things), I just fill the food bowls and forget about it until I notice they are empty. This seemed to work fine, but for the past few weeks I've been thinking that Polo's gaining weight and Penny's losing it; yesterday I decided this was definitely the case. When he sits up with paws in front, there's about an inch more cat on either side, and Penny is getting Aiko-sized. So, though it is a pain, I'm going to start feeding them seperately. I'm not so worried about Polo losing weight, he's far from problematically fat (he's a *big* cat), but he shouldn't gain more, and Penny should. So tonight I gave them wet food, gave Penny more, and brought her and the food in the office with me until she finished. We'll see if I have the follow-thorugh to keep this up.
- I need to work on final papers. It's not even that I don't want to - I just haven't and must.
- Getting excited for Thanksgiving at Jevin's! It's my first Madison Thanksgiving, and I am looking forward to it suddenly. It's not that I was not before, but I hadn't realized how *close* it was. And then driving Kevin home we got to talking about turkey and stuffing and cranberry sauce and garlic mashed potatoes and a cheese course and loads of wine and OMG it's in five days. FIVE. DAYS. It's going to be so awesome. I kind of wish I had a t-shirt: "Thanksgiving 2009 - The Last Supper." It being "last" because after that (well, and the post-TG shopping Friday) life ends and lifeless, slavish devotion to school begins. But til then, give me gravy and fill my glass.
- I work late now a lot more than I used to. Meaning now the trick is reclaiming the day, not the night. Why can't I get it right and do both?
- Bought my Xmas tix! NH the 20th - 31st. I am really, really excited, and a little nervous...you can never go home again, after all. It's been 2 1/2 years, I know things have changed there, I've changed...will it be just wonderful or a little painful too? Even the first drive...arriving at MHT, drive past the Executive, get on 93 and take it to the Macy's exit, down Meetinghouse past St. Elizabeth, through the five-way stop, past Jeb's, left on 101 down, right at Vista to Wallace...then past the Benedictine Land (my God, the Benedictine Land), the turn for Adam's house, Shirley Hill (my God, Shirley Hill...) into Goffstown, then on past Sean's and Tim King's and finally to my uncle's house. I've worked hard to miss NH less, to move on and make WI my home, to grow up and in doing so accept that the past can't stay in the present, but damn...it's gonna be good to know that just because it's not around doesn't mean it's not there.
Also - my cousins? Friggin' adorable. I absolutely cannot WAIT.
- Blogging is a great way to procrastinate.
I love working in the writing center.
- My cats, though I love them still, are beginning to annoy me as well. Polo's gotten really bad about getting up in my business when I'm trying to type. From a recent email to Jamie: "He's got two approaches: The British Colonial Technique, where he just barges right onto it with his enormous self and tries to gain territory with sheer attack power, and The French Colonial Technique, where he lies down riiiight next to it and lolls his head onto the side of it so he's not actually *on* it but his fur is obstructing two columns of keys, then slooooowly edges over. He's like "you don't need that W, do you? Wouldn't you rather have MY HAIR ALL UP IN YOUR GRILL!" Lately he'll even nip our fingers if we try to type while we should so clearly (in his mind) be petting him. Considering the number of pages I have to type in the next...oh, 25 days or so (approx 60, not including student paper comments), this is poor timing on his part.
Also, though he's by no means a glutton, he is causing food problems in our household. Since I'm both lazy and not good at remembering to do things (ie, the VS return sitting all packaged and everything in my closet, ten million other things), I just fill the food bowls and forget about it until I notice they are empty. This seemed to work fine, but for the past few weeks I've been thinking that Polo's gaining weight and Penny's losing it; yesterday I decided this was definitely the case. When he sits up with paws in front, there's about an inch more cat on either side, and Penny is getting Aiko-sized. So, though it is a pain, I'm going to start feeding them seperately. I'm not so worried about Polo losing weight, he's far from problematically fat (he's a *big* cat), but he shouldn't gain more, and Penny should. So tonight I gave them wet food, gave Penny more, and brought her and the food in the office with me until she finished. We'll see if I have the follow-thorugh to keep this up.
- I need to work on final papers. It's not even that I don't want to - I just haven't and must.
- Getting excited for Thanksgiving at Jevin's! It's my first Madison Thanksgiving, and I am looking forward to it suddenly. It's not that I was not before, but I hadn't realized how *close* it was. And then driving Kevin home we got to talking about turkey and stuffing and cranberry sauce and garlic mashed potatoes and a cheese course and loads of wine and OMG it's in five days. FIVE. DAYS. It's going to be so awesome. I kind of wish I had a t-shirt: "Thanksgiving 2009 - The Last Supper." It being "last" because after that (well, and the post-TG shopping Friday) life ends and lifeless, slavish devotion to school begins. But til then, give me gravy and fill my glass.
- I work late now a lot more than I used to. Meaning now the trick is reclaiming the day, not the night. Why can't I get it right and do both?
- Bought my Xmas tix! NH the 20th - 31st. I am really, really excited, and a little nervous...you can never go home again, after all. It's been 2 1/2 years, I know things have changed there, I've changed...will it be just wonderful or a little painful too? Even the first drive...arriving at MHT, drive past the Executive, get on 93 and take it to the Macy's exit, down Meetinghouse past St. Elizabeth, through the five-way stop, past Jeb's, left on 101 down, right at Vista to Wallace...then past the Benedictine Land (my God, the Benedictine Land), the turn for Adam's house, Shirley Hill (my God, Shirley Hill...) into Goffstown, then on past Sean's and Tim King's and finally to my uncle's house. I've worked hard to miss NH less, to move on and make WI my home, to grow up and in doing so accept that the past can't stay in the present, but damn...it's gonna be good to know that just because it's not around doesn't mean it's not there.
Also - my cousins? Friggin' adorable. I absolutely cannot WAIT.
- Blogging is a great way to procrastinate.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Good Deal
So today is a good day.
I've been feeling kind of "????" about the coming end-of-semester craze. Usually I collect paper ideas for classes throughout the semester, and by around this time know what I'm writing on for everything. This year though, I had zero clue about any of them until recently. I had some vague subject ideas - "Cranford and...foreign things" - but nothing close to focused. And I was getting a little freaked.
But these past 4 or 5 days, things have really been coming together. Turns out that when I get myself in gear, I can do things! My Russ abstract got the go-ahead; yet again I'm writing about the issue of children and agency - but this time through propaganda! (Analyzing it...not writing it.) As so often happens, I wrote myself into an idea, and then into being excited about it. I was dreading that paper, but less so now. I picked and read a bunch of my review book for Susan. I wrote a short paper for class tomorrow that I'm pleased with - it's different from how/what I usually write for classes, and that's a nice feeling, doing something new. My meeting with Deb, Tim and Leigh today was miraculous - I went in with like, almost literally nothing, and by talking through what I'm interested in doing and getting ideas and feedback, I ended up leaving with a solid idea for my project. (I'm going a proposal for a study about how students' tacit learning of written genres is affected if they feel that the genre in question has an expiration date for being useful in their lives. And Deb is so cool - I asked her if there might be a way to frame it so I could carry out the study as my project for her class next semester; she said she didn't think it was really related to literacies, but that she'd definitely be happy to have me do it if I wanted to, if I thought it would be productive. Yay supportive teachers excited about my research!)
I bought tickets to NH today! I am so excited. It's like...there are definitely specific people and places I want to go, but I'm almost more excited about just driving around and seeing the places that were once so much a part of my daily life. Elm Street, South Willow, Meetinghouse, the Vista Foods plaza, the drive down Wallace Road between my uncle's and Bedford...man, it's been so long. I was there very briefly in July '07, so it's been 2 1/2 years. It'll really be great.
So yeah. I'll probably be back to freaking out tomorrow or something, but right now things look almost doable.
I've been feeling kind of "????" about the coming end-of-semester craze. Usually I collect paper ideas for classes throughout the semester, and by around this time know what I'm writing on for everything. This year though, I had zero clue about any of them until recently. I had some vague subject ideas - "Cranford and...foreign things" - but nothing close to focused. And I was getting a little freaked.
But these past 4 or 5 days, things have really been coming together. Turns out that when I get myself in gear, I can do things! My Russ abstract got the go-ahead; yet again I'm writing about the issue of children and agency - but this time through propaganda! (Analyzing it...not writing it.) As so often happens, I wrote myself into an idea, and then into being excited about it. I was dreading that paper, but less so now. I picked and read a bunch of my review book for Susan. I wrote a short paper for class tomorrow that I'm pleased with - it's different from how/what I usually write for classes, and that's a nice feeling, doing something new. My meeting with Deb, Tim and Leigh today was miraculous - I went in with like, almost literally nothing, and by talking through what I'm interested in doing and getting ideas and feedback, I ended up leaving with a solid idea for my project. (I'm going a proposal for a study about how students' tacit learning of written genres is affected if they feel that the genre in question has an expiration date for being useful in their lives. And Deb is so cool - I asked her if there might be a way to frame it so I could carry out the study as my project for her class next semester; she said she didn't think it was really related to literacies, but that she'd definitely be happy to have me do it if I wanted to, if I thought it would be productive. Yay supportive teachers excited about my research!)
I bought tickets to NH today! I am so excited. It's like...there are definitely specific people and places I want to go, but I'm almost more excited about just driving around and seeing the places that were once so much a part of my daily life. Elm Street, South Willow, Meetinghouse, the Vista Foods plaza, the drive down Wallace Road between my uncle's and Bedford...man, it's been so long. I was there very briefly in July '07, so it's been 2 1/2 years. It'll really be great.
So yeah. I'll probably be back to freaking out tomorrow or something, but right now things look almost doable.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Change of Opinion
This is relevant in no way I can think of to anything, but it's interesting to me, so ha. The benefits of running one's blog like a dictatorship never end! Though I prefer to think of it as a non-parliamentary monarchy.
Anyhow. I'm sitting here eating Ramen noodles, drinking a beer and watching Coupling - standard Saturday night when Andy is out. Coupling, for those not in the know, is like British Friends, except with lower production values and slightly more explicit jokes. It's one of my favorite shows, and I've been savoring the remaining few I've never seen.
...actually, the rest of this post was going to be too inane for words, so we'll drop it.
In lieu of that - description of my cats battling. Polo's been hanging out inside a paper bag we leave out for the purpose lately, and right now he and Penny are having it out over rights to said bag - she'll run into it and stare out at him, then run at him suddenly, they'll slap hissily at each other, and then it repeats - only with a lot of seemingly purposeless dashing about. Sometimes it looks boring to be one of my cats, but tonight it looks friggin' sweet. I want to engage in bi-weekly Battle Royales for supremacy over my domain! And I'd also like to do it with a clawless opponent so I always win. Though his enormous size advantage evens it out some.
Anyhow. I'm sitting here eating Ramen noodles, drinking a beer and watching Coupling - standard Saturday night when Andy is out. Coupling, for those not in the know, is like British Friends, except with lower production values and slightly more explicit jokes. It's one of my favorite shows, and I've been savoring the remaining few I've never seen.
...actually, the rest of this post was going to be too inane for words, so we'll drop it.
In lieu of that - description of my cats battling. Polo's been hanging out inside a paper bag we leave out for the purpose lately, and right now he and Penny are having it out over rights to said bag - she'll run into it and stare out at him, then run at him suddenly, they'll slap hissily at each other, and then it repeats - only with a lot of seemingly purposeless dashing about. Sometimes it looks boring to be one of my cats, but tonight it looks friggin' sweet. I want to engage in bi-weekly Battle Royales for supremacy over my domain! And I'd also like to do it with a clawless opponent so I always win. Though his enormous size advantage evens it out some.
Grading: Pt 4
32.5/35
Thoughts: Okay, I'm ready to be done. I have done almost literally nothing for any of my other classes since I got these things, I had a plagiarism alert that took an age to settle, and I am tired of writing about the same issues in 32.5 different ways.
Also, I hate my prelims list. And all books. And blah. Who am I to maintain optimism in the face of grad student life?
Thoughts: Okay, I'm ready to be done. I have done almost literally nothing for any of my other classes since I got these things, I had a plagiarism alert that took an age to settle, and I am tired of writing about the same issues in 32.5 different ways.
Also, I hate my prelims list. And all books. And blah. Who am I to maintain optimism in the face of grad student life?
Monday, October 19, 2009
Grading Pt 3
18/35
Okay. I'm beginning to sour on this process. Not so much because of the act itself, but because it's fucking up my life. Did I do any reading for this week yet? No. Not even the classes I had today. Because I was grading. Have I edited my list? No. Because of the grading. Did I have a good lesson plan for class today? See above.
On the plus side, this section will go faster because I made up a handout off the problems in the first one, and now I can say "see handout on this" rather than explaining 15 separate times that a good thesis is one that's not obvious the first time through the text.
Okay. I'm beginning to sour on this process. Not so much because of the act itself, but because it's fucking up my life. Did I do any reading for this week yet? No. Not even the classes I had today. Because I was grading. Have I edited my list? No. Because of the grading. Did I have a good lesson plan for class today? See above.
On the plus side, this section will go faster because I made up a handout off the problems in the first one, and now I can say "see handout on this" rather than explaining 15 separate times that a good thesis is one that's not obvious the first time through the text.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Grading: Pt 2
15/35
Current thoughts: Still not hating it. I think only having two sections helps with that a lot - since the overall task is manageable, I don't dread it as much. Patterns are developing for sure; there are three main problems I keep seeing over and over again. I'm making notes for a handout that talks about the things (why or why did I not go over the MEAL plan before this?), and for another that gives examples of good theses, readings, etc from their peers' papers. I've just started assigning grades to them as I go, and need to go back and give grades to the others. So far there are probably two or three As, and only a handful of out-and-out Cs. One of which I feel no compunctions about giving, too, which is nice. The last paper I did was astonishingly good - also nice.
I'm beginning to flag though...not thrilled about the last three in this section, which I want to finish before dinner at 7:30. And then the other section. Though I am interested in comparing the two, I suppose.
On an unrelated note - still a bad idea to mix wine and liquor. Just in case anyone was wondering.
Current thoughts: Still not hating it. I think only having two sections helps with that a lot - since the overall task is manageable, I don't dread it as much. Patterns are developing for sure; there are three main problems I keep seeing over and over again. I'm making notes for a handout that talks about the things (why or why did I not go over the MEAL plan before this?), and for another that gives examples of good theses, readings, etc from their peers' papers. I've just started assigning grades to them as I go, and need to go back and give grades to the others. So far there are probably two or three As, and only a handful of out-and-out Cs. One of which I feel no compunctions about giving, too, which is nice. The last paper I did was astonishingly good - also nice.
I'm beginning to flag though...not thrilled about the last three in this section, which I want to finish before dinner at 7:30. And then the other section. Though I am interested in comparing the two, I suppose.
On an unrelated note - still a bad idea to mix wine and liquor. Just in case anyone was wondering.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Grading: Pt 1
8/35.
Current thoughts: Grading is incredibly time-consuming, but so far pretty interesting. It's interesting to see what Tim's lectures, my teaching, the handouts I gave and their own ideas give rise to. And honestly, though most of them (quite naturally) don't grasp how to write a literary analysis, I'm surprised by the extent to which they touch on valuable and thoughtful points - even if they lack the ability to develop them.
More to come. If reports are true, almost certainly downhill. But I remain hopeful that my current obsession with pedagogy will pull me through.
Current thoughts: Grading is incredibly time-consuming, but so far pretty interesting. It's interesting to see what Tim's lectures, my teaching, the handouts I gave and their own ideas give rise to. And honestly, though most of them (quite naturally) don't grasp how to write a literary analysis, I'm surprised by the extent to which they touch on valuable and thoughtful points - even if they lack the ability to develop them.
More to come. If reports are true, almost certainly downhill. But I remain hopeful that my current obsession with pedagogy will pull me through.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Always with the other shoe, aren't you Life?
Today was utterly unremarkable and of limited productiveness. Of course.
Although Writing Center training was particularly helpful today, which is almost worth noting. Though it's always non-time-wasting, to be fair. The DVD we watched about multilingual writers was great; it made a lot of points that were new to me and helpful. One of the instructors who spoke on it made the point that as teachers we wouldn't expect a non-native speaker to speak without an accent and wouldn't think less of the points they make verbally for it, but most instructors don't feel the same way about writing.* I don't know exactly how this translates into pedagogical practice on my part, if it does, but I thought it was a good point.
It also had interviews with international students who discussed what conventional academic essay form means in their home cultures. This was fascinating. I hadn't considered before the idea that rhetorical conventions and formal structure differed so widely, but apparently they do. Again, not sure what I'll do with this practically yet, but it was one of those "oh...obviously" moments when you see a thing you had missed before.
Writing center 12-5 tomorrow! It's like it's my real job. Minus three hours.
Although Writing Center training was particularly helpful today, which is almost worth noting. Though it's always non-time-wasting, to be fair. The DVD we watched about multilingual writers was great; it made a lot of points that were new to me and helpful. One of the instructors who spoke on it made the point that as teachers we wouldn't expect a non-native speaker to speak without an accent and wouldn't think less of the points they make verbally for it, but most instructors don't feel the same way about writing.* I don't know exactly how this translates into pedagogical practice on my part, if it does, but I thought it was a good point.
It also had interviews with international students who discussed what conventional academic essay form means in their home cultures. This was fascinating. I hadn't considered before the idea that rhetorical conventions and formal structure differed so widely, but apparently they do. Again, not sure what I'll do with this practically yet, but it was one of those "oh...obviously" moments when you see a thing you had missed before.
Writing center 12-5 tomorrow! It's like it's my real job. Minus three hours.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Something random this way comes...
Today was a weird day of classes. I'm not sure if it made me more or less excited to finish with classes, but as both my seminars today were essentially circuses, it's got to be one or the other.
Seminar one - argument over whether or not a reading is offensive (rapidly becoming my favorite seminar spectacle), a Madonna video, and the ensuing inevitable sexually-tinted discussion thereof.
Seminar two - no-holds-barred discussion/bitchfest about academic discourse and its conventions, many references to wizards/gatekeepers, and several counts of severe honesty on my part concerning the academy. Also a general sense of class goodwill.
...yeah. I've noticed before that going from seminar one to seminar two is an interesting juxtaposition of classroom styles, so I guess today was the "what does a particularly exaggerated form of each class look like?" day.
I can only imagine next week.
Seminar one - argument over whether or not a reading is offensive (rapidly becoming my favorite seminar spectacle), a Madonna video, and the ensuing inevitable sexually-tinted discussion thereof.
Seminar two - no-holds-barred discussion/bitchfest about academic discourse and its conventions, many references to wizards/gatekeepers, and several counts of severe honesty on my part concerning the academy. Also a general sense of class goodwill.
...yeah. I've noticed before that going from seminar one to seminar two is an interesting juxtaposition of classroom styles, so I guess today was the "what does a particularly exaggerated form of each class look like?" day.
I can only imagine next week.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Easy come, easy go...perhaps too easy
The mysterious breakage problem over here is getting out of hand.
Current totals (give or take a glass or two):
wine glasses: 6
non-pint glasses: 3
pint glasses: 4
priceless sentiment-imbued plates: 2
PSI bowls: 1
All this in barely 6 weeks of residence. SIX WEEKS. We're going to have to switch to pewter or something...I'm not sure even plastic is safe.
Current totals (give or take a glass or two):
wine glasses: 6
non-pint glasses: 3
pint glasses: 4
priceless sentiment-imbued plates: 2
PSI bowls: 1
All this in barely 6 weeks of residence. SIX WEEKS. We're going to have to switch to pewter or something...I'm not sure even plastic is safe.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
My Weekend Home Alone
So Andy's down in Philly seeing a game with his father, meaning I'm home alone for the first time since we moved in. How have I spent this milestone weekend?
So far, it's a 60-40 success. I got a haircut on Saturday, which lasted an hour and a half due to some very enjoyable catch-up time with Matt. I finished The Iron Heel (though I may have skimmed more of it than is ideal). I washed dishes and tidied the house, went to Trader Joe's, and had the girls over for wine, Nutella crackers and Pineapple Express. (Incidentally, why is it that 80% of department social activities in the past 4 months have been on days when I'm already busy? I've examined the possibility that it's because I "have a life," as the youngster say, but concluded that's not it.)
On the flip side, I stayed up until 1:30 watching Coupling episodes in bed, I ate a box of macaroni and cheese, a large amount of asparagus dip and a regretable number of chocolate covered fruits. I may or may not have sprayed the survivors with Clorox. I slept until 11 this morning, and am currently in pajamas in front of the television. So...as I said, 60-40.
So far, it's a 60-40 success. I got a haircut on Saturday, which lasted an hour and a half due to some very enjoyable catch-up time with Matt. I finished The Iron Heel (though I may have skimmed more of it than is ideal). I washed dishes and tidied the house, went to Trader Joe's, and had the girls over for wine, Nutella crackers and Pineapple Express. (Incidentally, why is it that 80% of department social activities in the past 4 months have been on days when I'm already busy? I've examined the possibility that it's because I "have a life," as the youngster say, but concluded that's not it.)
On the flip side, I stayed up until 1:30 watching Coupling episodes in bed, I ate a box of macaroni and cheese, a large amount of asparagus dip and a regretable number of chocolate covered fruits. I may or may not have sprayed the survivors with Clorox. I slept until 11 this morning, and am currently in pajamas in front of the television. So...as I said, 60-40.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Hitting the Wall
I knew it had to happen. I've been doing work at a ridiculous pace, to the point of feeling guilty when I'm not either doing something for school or the house. It was like "idle hands are the devil's playground" had suddenly made itself my motto.
No more. I haven't abandoned my work ethic entirely - not at all. But it's some effort to focus on work again, and I spend more time aimlessly entertaining myself. As long as I don't let it go to far I think it's for the best; I was feeling a lot of stress these last weeks, productive as they were. I wasn't sleeping well, and the physical manifestations of stress I suffered from so much last year were creeping back. So a release valve is no bad thing - again, if I keep it under control.
Like right now. What I would like to do is continue fiddling with photos from my trips on Picassa and pricing out mat and frame combos. Instead, when I finish this entry I'm going to go read something for an hour - Eliot, London or Agamben (to get it out of the way). It's mostly because Romola sucks and I didn't realize The Iron Heel was a book and not a short story, but for the first time in awhile I am behind in reading novels for class.
But the real problem is my schedule. I hate it. I hate it so much. I am so over being obligated to attend things that it's a struggle to make any other kind of time commitment at all - social, shopping, gym, whatever. And I've already blown off a thing or two and it's week four. I've got to come up with a strategy for sucking it up better than I have been.
Tonight, I will watch 30 Rock season 3 while cutting and peeling apples, then make apple crisp, then read some more of that dratted Romola before bed. And then all I have to do is make it through my writing center shift and it's the weekend. Blessed Friday, with only one thing in it. My homework this weekend is reasonable - working on London, finishing Eliot, some articles for comp I will likely only skim, and class prep. Which reminds me - anyone with tips on teaching "The Wasteland," preferably along with an intro to the idea of close reading, have at. I had my first student come to office hours this week, and his issue? "I just don't understand any of this poetry at all." I was like, you and me both. It felt like more of a failure than almost any other conference I've had - as I wasn't ready to teach him how to close read then and there, I had little to say. I did tell him that A) he wouldn't have to write his first paper on the modern poetry and B) that the exams probably wouldn't ask him to explain much in the way of "meaning." But still.
Okay...on to reading. Hurry up please it's time.
No more. I haven't abandoned my work ethic entirely - not at all. But it's some effort to focus on work again, and I spend more time aimlessly entertaining myself. As long as I don't let it go to far I think it's for the best; I was feeling a lot of stress these last weeks, productive as they were. I wasn't sleeping well, and the physical manifestations of stress I suffered from so much last year were creeping back. So a release valve is no bad thing - again, if I keep it under control.
Like right now. What I would like to do is continue fiddling with photos from my trips on Picassa and pricing out mat and frame combos. Instead, when I finish this entry I'm going to go read something for an hour - Eliot, London or Agamben (to get it out of the way). It's mostly because Romola sucks and I didn't realize The Iron Heel was a book and not a short story, but for the first time in awhile I am behind in reading novels for class.
But the real problem is my schedule. I hate it. I hate it so much. I am so over being obligated to attend things that it's a struggle to make any other kind of time commitment at all - social, shopping, gym, whatever. And I've already blown off a thing or two and it's week four. I've got to come up with a strategy for sucking it up better than I have been.
Tonight, I will watch 30 Rock season 3 while cutting and peeling apples, then make apple crisp, then read some more of that dratted Romola before bed. And then all I have to do is make it through my writing center shift and it's the weekend. Blessed Friday, with only one thing in it. My homework this weekend is reasonable - working on London, finishing Eliot, some articles for comp I will likely only skim, and class prep. Which reminds me - anyone with tips on teaching "The Wasteland," preferably along with an intro to the idea of close reading, have at. I had my first student come to office hours this week, and his issue? "I just don't understand any of this poetry at all." I was like, you and me both. It felt like more of a failure than almost any other conference I've had - as I wasn't ready to teach him how to close read then and there, I had little to say. I did tell him that A) he wouldn't have to write his first paper on the modern poetry and B) that the exams probably wouldn't ask him to explain much in the way of "meaning." But still.
Okay...on to reading. Hurry up please it's time.
Monday, September 21, 2009
I guess it's true about cats and feet
They do land on them. Probably not literally always, but Polo, who had been reclining on the desk next to me, just stretched a little too much and fell off, landing on his feet. Also on the topic of cats and feet - Polo, and now slowly Penny, appear to be developing a weird obsession with Andy's shoes. Or possibly just any shoes. We noticed it yesterday for the first time, when Polo spent most of the evening lying on the living room carpet snuggled between Andy's sneakers. Neither of us remember placing the sneakers in that position, perfectly parallel to each other. Though I know he moved during the night because I saw him on top of the bookshelf when I had a late-night snack at 3am, he was right back with the shoes when we got up this morning. So before we left for school, I laid out two of Andy's other shoes in the same position, and sure enough - when I got home Polo was lying right between them. I caught Penny doing it a few minutes ago. Weird. I think they're catching on to the fact that if they balance each incredibly annoying thing they do (puking on the floor, spilling entire pint glasses of water from great heights, etc) with adorable or quirky ones (camping out between shoes, falling asleep on the cookbook, hiding behind Deleuze, etc) I will continue to love them.
In good mood tonight, though not sure why. My day was pretty average. Discussion of Ezra Pound's Cantos went about as expected...it wasn't painfully quiet or anything, but I felt like I failed to help them with those difficult poems in any way. I think it's not all my fault - I had to fit in the second half of first-day stuff that I skipped last time so we could discuss Wharton, and that took up half the class. 30 minutes is not enough to discuss their response papers and also introduce close reading and apply it usefully to the poems. But some of them have already read The Wasteland and enjoyed it more, so I'm optimistic for next week.
Tonight, I plan to work some on my prelims list in anticipation of meeting with Mario on Wednesday, read Herland for Russ, and maybe work some more on Romola. I've got a long but simple day tomorrow - lecture, TA training, writing center. I've got a good feeling about this week. I'm still trying to figure out how to work longer term projects into my weekly routine; I have the time right now to begin working on something for the end of the semester, but it's really hard to get going on it. We'll see.
Zumba on Sunday was fun. Kate couldn't make it, but Lindsey came, and it was much easier this time since I had already done it once. Aside from the fact that my knee gets really pissed towards the end, it's a great workout. I'm planning to go again on Wednesday. It foricbly reminds me that as much as I might pretend, 40 minutes on the elliptical is not even close to a serious workout.
In good mood tonight, though not sure why. My day was pretty average. Discussion of Ezra Pound's Cantos went about as expected...it wasn't painfully quiet or anything, but I felt like I failed to help them with those difficult poems in any way. I think it's not all my fault - I had to fit in the second half of first-day stuff that I skipped last time so we could discuss Wharton, and that took up half the class. 30 minutes is not enough to discuss their response papers and also introduce close reading and apply it usefully to the poems. But some of them have already read The Wasteland and enjoyed it more, so I'm optimistic for next week.
Tonight, I plan to work some on my prelims list in anticipation of meeting with Mario on Wednesday, read Herland for Russ, and maybe work some more on Romola. I've got a long but simple day tomorrow - lecture, TA training, writing center. I've got a good feeling about this week. I'm still trying to figure out how to work longer term projects into my weekly routine; I have the time right now to begin working on something for the end of the semester, but it's really hard to get going on it. We'll see.
Zumba on Sunday was fun. Kate couldn't make it, but Lindsey came, and it was much easier this time since I had already done it once. Aside from the fact that my knee gets really pissed towards the end, it's a great workout. I'm planning to go again on Wednesday. It foricbly reminds me that as much as I might pretend, 40 minutes on the elliptical is not even close to a serious workout.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
I did not sign up for this
So who decided that once you turn 25 you will become hungover after drinking about 30-50% of what it used to take to reduce you to that state, and that the hangover in question would also be about 5 times worse?
Friggin body. Stupid aging. Annoying hangover that stole my precious Saturday. Lame lame lame.
Oh well. Every cloud has a silver lining, I guess - this reinforces further my resolution not to drink during the week. Though honestly, in this case it's more of a pewter lining at best. Silver plated, maybe.
Tomorrow I must lead two 50-minute discussions on Ezra Pound's Cantos. This will also be the second time ever I meet with my students.
So it's gonna be a busy Sunday.
Friggin body. Stupid aging. Annoying hangover that stole my precious Saturday. Lame lame lame.
Oh well. Every cloud has a silver lining, I guess - this reinforces further my resolution not to drink during the week. Though honestly, in this case it's more of a pewter lining at best. Silver plated, maybe.
Tomorrow I must lead two 50-minute discussions on Ezra Pound's Cantos. This will also be the second time ever I meet with my students.
So it's gonna be a busy Sunday.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
It is a truth universally acknowledged...
...that a book designated a Victorian novel should take place no early than 1730. I'm looking at you, Romola.
Also, it's pretty sweet that my boyfriend likes to cook. Right now he's fretting about how to make a sauce for our steak because his usual method won't work with a high-heat skillet. Hopefully he'll end up making his usual tasty fresh tomato improvised deliciousness.
Of course, this means *I* have to cook sometimes too, so as not to feel bad. But it's a worthwhile trade. Especially since his interest makes it so much easier to shop for his birthday and such.
Also, it's pretty sweet that my boyfriend likes to cook. Right now he's fretting about how to make a sauce for our steak because his usual method won't work with a high-heat skillet. Hopefully he'll end up making his usual tasty fresh tomato improvised deliciousness.
Of course, this means *I* have to cook sometimes too, so as not to feel bad. But it's a worthwhile trade. Especially since his interest makes it so much easier to shop for his birthday and such.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
It's nice to have an office at home
I love this apartment. The rooms are all great sizes, the wood floors make me happy, there's a garbage disposal I didn't even know about until I moved in, it's quiet...I'm just so content here. I think in a large way that's what's been missing from my life in Madison, and a reason I've had trouble settling down and being content to stay here another four years. I hated my first place, and while my apt last year was a huge step up and great in many ways, it was too small and dark to really feel like home, like somewhere worth putting roots down. But this place is different - and consequently I'm pretty good at fixing it up and keeping it that way. My friend Ravi offered to make up curtains for the front room, so we went out and bought some great fabric for them, plus some for throw pillows for the couch. I'm invested in this place...I could see myself here for three years with no trouble.
School is going pretty well. I'm shocking myself by actually doing most of my reading, which hasn't happened since...well, a long time ago. Now that I've proven I am off to a determined start, however, I'll probably prune back a little bit on the readings that seem uninteresting/irrelevant for me, and spend that time on my prelims list and on longer-term assignments. I like my classes pretty well, overall. I've really got to get going with Romola though...I'm about 50 pages in and beginning to be very passively interested, but before this I was so bored I considered skipping it. I mean, come on - I'm not Early Modern for a reason, I don't want to read about 15th century Italy. (And yes, I know it's "really" about Victorian Britain, but still.)
Teaching my first day of lit went tolerably well. As is usual, it seems, one of my sections seems like it will be easier than the other. But neither seems terrible. The first class gave me a sense of what to prepare better next time, and...yeah. Hopefully it'll work out. The idea of filling 50 minutes with discussion does fill me with some fear, since that was always the hardest thing about 100, but I'm confident I'll get better at it quickly.
If only T wasn't totally screwing me by making my next 2 weeks all about Modernist poetry...
Glossing over anything outside my own sphere, social life goes well. I've been seeing a lot of Ravi and Todd lately, which is great. Ravi's birthday, Dr. Horrible and curtain shopping are a few of the things we've been up to - and this weekend we're getting together for a Patrick Swazye tribute with Wong Fu and cocktails. I've seen Sarah and Lindsey an good amount too - though I've yet to see Lindsey's new place! And Barry comes over from time to time to chat and see the cats. Adding to that the numerous "it's still September!" department events, it's been a nice balance. It's nice to realize that I'm not lonely anymore.
The cats continue to be great. Polo's taken to surreptitiously following me around the house, which is pretty cute - though less so when he meows incessantly after I go to bed. I'm still pleased at how surprisingly low-maintenance they've proven to be, though I am a little sick of their inability to keep their litter and food in their proper recepticles and not all over my floor. But oh well...that's what my sweet new dustbuster is for, I guess.
Now if only Andy would recover from his allergies/cold, I'd be all set. :-)
School is going pretty well. I'm shocking myself by actually doing most of my reading, which hasn't happened since...well, a long time ago. Now that I've proven I am off to a determined start, however, I'll probably prune back a little bit on the readings that seem uninteresting/irrelevant for me, and spend that time on my prelims list and on longer-term assignments. I like my classes pretty well, overall. I've really got to get going with Romola though...I'm about 50 pages in and beginning to be very passively interested, but before this I was so bored I considered skipping it. I mean, come on - I'm not Early Modern for a reason, I don't want to read about 15th century Italy. (And yes, I know it's "really" about Victorian Britain, but still.)
Teaching my first day of lit went tolerably well. As is usual, it seems, one of my sections seems like it will be easier than the other. But neither seems terrible. The first class gave me a sense of what to prepare better next time, and...yeah. Hopefully it'll work out. The idea of filling 50 minutes with discussion does fill me with some fear, since that was always the hardest thing about 100, but I'm confident I'll get better at it quickly.
If only T wasn't totally screwing me by making my next 2 weeks all about Modernist poetry...
Glossing over anything outside my own sphere, social life goes well. I've been seeing a lot of Ravi and Todd lately, which is great. Ravi's birthday, Dr. Horrible and curtain shopping are a few of the things we've been up to - and this weekend we're getting together for a Patrick Swazye tribute with Wong Fu and cocktails. I've seen Sarah and Lindsey an good amount too - though I've yet to see Lindsey's new place! And Barry comes over from time to time to chat and see the cats. Adding to that the numerous "it's still September!" department events, it's been a nice balance. It's nice to realize that I'm not lonely anymore.
The cats continue to be great. Polo's taken to surreptitiously following me around the house, which is pretty cute - though less so when he meows incessantly after I go to bed. I'm still pleased at how surprisingly low-maintenance they've proven to be, though I am a little sick of their inability to keep their litter and food in their proper recepticles and not all over my floor. But oh well...that's what my sweet new dustbuster is for, I guess.
Now if only Andy would recover from his allergies/cold, I'd be all set. :-)
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Not Enough Dull Moments
So school had started.
It's off to a decent start, actually. My classes seem interesting, for the most part - or at least, where they're not interesting I feel well able to ignore them. I've come back from summer with a mysterious but kind of awesome new interest/comprehension of theory and dense criticism. Not a perfect one by any stretch, or even a very good one. But a dramatic leap from where I was. It's such a nice feeling, when you feel yourself make progress at something you aren't good at. It's like a magic sign to keep doing what I'm doing, that sticking around is the right choice.
I've yet to teach, so no news there. I'll report back sometime after Monday. I'm starting with possibly my favorite book of all time, The Age of Innocence, which is both cool and kind of frightening.
I should be in bed right now since I've got to get up tomorrow morning for various things, but I'm mysteriously awake. So I've got the extras from the the UK version of The Office on, and I'm writing this aimless update. I suppose I could be doing my reading for Writing Center training tomorrow, but I'm all usefulled out for the day. Besides, why read about how to be good at my job when I could alternate between watching Polo try to balance on a chair top approximately 1/8 of his width and enjoying the antics of Ricky Gervais? After all, I can only watch these when Andy's gone, as he hates them. Got to grab these moments when I can.
...I have no idea what I'm even typing. I need to go to bed.
It's off to a decent start, actually. My classes seem interesting, for the most part - or at least, where they're not interesting I feel well able to ignore them. I've come back from summer with a mysterious but kind of awesome new interest/comprehension of theory and dense criticism. Not a perfect one by any stretch, or even a very good one. But a dramatic leap from where I was. It's such a nice feeling, when you feel yourself make progress at something you aren't good at. It's like a magic sign to keep doing what I'm doing, that sticking around is the right choice.
I've yet to teach, so no news there. I'll report back sometime after Monday. I'm starting with possibly my favorite book of all time, The Age of Innocence, which is both cool and kind of frightening.
I should be in bed right now since I've got to get up tomorrow morning for various things, but I'm mysteriously awake. So I've got the extras from the the UK version of The Office on, and I'm writing this aimless update. I suppose I could be doing my reading for Writing Center training tomorrow, but I'm all usefulled out for the day. Besides, why read about how to be good at my job when I could alternate between watching Polo try to balance on a chair top approximately 1/8 of his width and enjoying the antics of Ricky Gervais? After all, I can only watch these when Andy's gone, as he hates them. Got to grab these moments when I can.
...I have no idea what I'm even typing. I need to go to bed.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Blatant Disregard for Priorities
So school started this week, but I'm tired and the position of the cat on my lap makes it hard to type, so instead I will write briefly about my cats and my newly acquired propensity for breaking shit.
Cats. I like having them a lot. The two of them were the cats of a friend, but he has two other 14-year-old cats, and needed to clear the house a bit. I brought Penny home last Thursday, and she settled virtually instantly. A few hours of hiding, and then she was wandering all over us at 3 am wanting to be petted. (We now keep the cats out of the bedroom.) She's basically my ideal cat - very affectionate, likes to sit on your lap and be petted, but stops short of annoying. I was worried at first, but apparently only because I knew nothing about cats.
Polo, the other cat, came home on Thursday. His actions seem more typical of cats in general from what I've heard - lots of hiding and hissing. But every day he makes demonstrable progress - less hissing, less hiding. Still, his agenda from living with us reads something like this:
Day One: hiding in office closet and hissing hysterically when approached.
Day Two: hiding in closet, followed by cautious prowling around the office after his previous owner visited him.
Day Three: Hiding in closet, then an evening of slow wandering around the living room after being shut out of the office.
Day Four: Hiding behind the TV and under the bed, then some living room wandering, then hiding behind a row of books on a bottom shelf.
But every day he's out more, and I know that in general he's just a moody cat - some days as affectionate as a happy baby, other days as angry as a spinster aunt.
...oh man. I'm already a Cat Lady in the making.
As far as the breakage thing goes...I have no idea what's going on. In my first year in Madison, I think I *maybe* broke one drinking glass. Maybe. In my last apartment, that whole year, I broke two wine glasses and another drinking glass. (Give or take maybe one glass.)
Since moving into this apartment on August 15th, not even three weeks ago, I have broken *five* wine glasses. Five. For two of them I was admittedly a bit under the influence, but still...I drink no more here than at the last place, probably demonstrably less. That doesn't explain the increase. And then how do you account for the other three? The one I accidentally hit with the edge of the blanket I was wrapped in? The one that was standing in the sink and that I nudged a little with the plate I was washing, making it fall and shatter? The one I was *putting away* and accidentally bumped the edge against the shelf above just hard enough to crack it? At first I was just amusedly annoyed at myself, but it's getting to the point where it's like WTF. Three matching wine glasses is my happy minimum, and despite buying a new set two weeks ago, I am not at this stage. Why is this? No clue. I could blame shoddy American workmanship, but that seems uncharitble given the current economic climate. But I don't feel I've grown appreciably clumsier since a month ago, so...who knows. Maybe the place is haunted by a ghost who vents his pent-up anger at living women by causing them to break their own glasswork.
If you've got an alternate theory, feel free to submit it. (Except you, Andy.)
Cats. I like having them a lot. The two of them were the cats of a friend, but he has two other 14-year-old cats, and needed to clear the house a bit. I brought Penny home last Thursday, and she settled virtually instantly. A few hours of hiding, and then she was wandering all over us at 3 am wanting to be petted. (We now keep the cats out of the bedroom.) She's basically my ideal cat - very affectionate, likes to sit on your lap and be petted, but stops short of annoying. I was worried at first, but apparently only because I knew nothing about cats.
Polo, the other cat, came home on Thursday. His actions seem more typical of cats in general from what I've heard - lots of hiding and hissing. But every day he makes demonstrable progress - less hissing, less hiding. Still, his agenda from living with us reads something like this:
Day One: hiding in office closet and hissing hysterically when approached.
Day Two: hiding in closet, followed by cautious prowling around the office after his previous owner visited him.
Day Three: Hiding in closet, then an evening of slow wandering around the living room after being shut out of the office.
Day Four: Hiding behind the TV and under the bed, then some living room wandering, then hiding behind a row of books on a bottom shelf.
But every day he's out more, and I know that in general he's just a moody cat - some days as affectionate as a happy baby, other days as angry as a spinster aunt.
...oh man. I'm already a Cat Lady in the making.
As far as the breakage thing goes...I have no idea what's going on. In my first year in Madison, I think I *maybe* broke one drinking glass. Maybe. In my last apartment, that whole year, I broke two wine glasses and another drinking glass. (Give or take maybe one glass.)
Since moving into this apartment on August 15th, not even three weeks ago, I have broken *five* wine glasses. Five. For two of them I was admittedly a bit under the influence, but still...I drink no more here than at the last place, probably demonstrably less. That doesn't explain the increase. And then how do you account for the other three? The one I accidentally hit with the edge of the blanket I was wrapped in? The one that was standing in the sink and that I nudged a little with the plate I was washing, making it fall and shatter? The one I was *putting away* and accidentally bumped the edge against the shelf above just hard enough to crack it? At first I was just amusedly annoyed at myself, but it's getting to the point where it's like WTF. Three matching wine glasses is my happy minimum, and despite buying a new set two weeks ago, I am not at this stage. Why is this? No clue. I could blame shoddy American workmanship, but that seems uncharitble given the current economic climate. But I don't feel I've grown appreciably clumsier since a month ago, so...who knows. Maybe the place is haunted by a ghost who vents his pent-up anger at living women by causing them to break their own glasswork.
If you've got an alternate theory, feel free to submit it. (Except you, Andy.)
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Things (not Victorian)
So. Lots going on in the past month. Tons, really. My sister came, Andy and I went to Florida for our anniversary, we moved, I started training, and I'm in the process of getting two lovely cats from Ravi. Also a cappella drama, which will not be covered here at all.
I'm not even going to try to cover everything...while I hope to update more frequently now that we have DSL in the apartment (thought it doesn't actually work on my computer yet), it's not possible to get everything that's happened since my last post. Mostly I'm posting because Andy's been hounding me to do so ever since we got the internet working.
Things are going well. The apartment is coming together great; the only significant piece of furniture still missing is an island for the kitchen. It's much smaller than my old one, and there's virtually no counter space. We're planning to put the island against the wall and keep pots in it...thrilling, I know. The kitchen's nice though - recently refinished, two windows, a stove that's not completely crooked.
I brought the first of our two cats home tonight. Polo was a bit too distraught to make the journey; apparently bathing, brushing, having his snarls buzzed off and the sight of the pet taxi were too much for him, and so we thought it would be good to give him another night. But I brought Penny home with me, and she's doing as well as can be expected considering she's moved from a huge, well-decorated modern home into our two-bedroom. She hisses when approached too fast, but she's not hiding in a closet either. I know from my year of rehearsals at Ravi's that she's really a very sweet cat...basically self-petting if you leave any limbs hanging over your seat. She looks like a normal-sized Aiko (if you know Aiko), and it makes me happy to have a cat in the house. I've wanted one for ages.
School...well, subject for another time. But it's gonna be a big semester.
I'm not even going to try to cover everything...while I hope to update more frequently now that we have DSL in the apartment (thought it doesn't actually work on my computer yet), it's not possible to get everything that's happened since my last post. Mostly I'm posting because Andy's been hounding me to do so ever since we got the internet working.
Things are going well. The apartment is coming together great; the only significant piece of furniture still missing is an island for the kitchen. It's much smaller than my old one, and there's virtually no counter space. We're planning to put the island against the wall and keep pots in it...thrilling, I know. The kitchen's nice though - recently refinished, two windows, a stove that's not completely crooked.
I brought the first of our two cats home tonight. Polo was a bit too distraught to make the journey; apparently bathing, brushing, having his snarls buzzed off and the sight of the pet taxi were too much for him, and so we thought it would be good to give him another night. But I brought Penny home with me, and she's doing as well as can be expected considering she's moved from a huge, well-decorated modern home into our two-bedroom. She hisses when approached too fast, but she's not hiding in a closet either. I know from my year of rehearsals at Ravi's that she's really a very sweet cat...basically self-petting if you leave any limbs hanging over your seat. She looks like a normal-sized Aiko (if you know Aiko), and it makes me happy to have a cat in the house. I've wanted one for ages.
School...well, subject for another time. But it's gonna be a big semester.
Friday, July 31, 2009
"Well...what if I already did?"
My sister comes tomorrow!
In less than 12 hours, she'll be here in Madison. Though I've been too stressed and busy lately to be as excited as I should be by her visit, that doesn't mean I'm any less pumped about her coming. Now it's like a nice surprise, almost - I had forgotten how great it would make me feel to have her coming, and now I remember. We've never had time together like this. We've bonded a lot on family vacations, through email and phone and during holidays. But this is the first time we'll be together without any other members of the Tarsa clan, with our own base of operations and our own time. And I'm really excited. I miss my sister a lot. I get too preoccupied with my own anxieties and such about life here, and I have been forgetting how much comfort and support (and amusemen) my siblings can give me. Having Kitten (Kat to...well, everyone who's not me) here in my home and my city lets us catch up and fool around without the pressure we've always had before of other family around. Now, it's just me and her.
And I'm excited. We'll see the Farmer's Market, go biking, eat at some good restaurants, do karaoke, stay up late, bake things, bicker about family drama, maybe see a movie together, and rock out to the melodious sound of the Decemberists. I love Kat so much, am so proud of all she's done in the past few years, and I can't wait to spend this time with her. It's gonna be friggin' sweet.
I know all blood is thicker than water, but I can't help but feel that Tarsa blood is even thicker than that - like cold molasses. Not because we're such an upright, ancient and proper family, but the opposite - we're eccentric and dwindling and loud and passionate, and I feel lucky to be bonded to this crazy group of family members by such alternately practical and outlandish traits.
And these next five days should be *sweet*.
(Also, then I go to Florida with Andy. And that will also be incredibly sweet. The forecast for the next two weeks look great.)
(Until we come back, and then there's The Move. Which will be less than sweet. My books, my clothes and accessories, my furniture and kitchen, plus Andy's clothes, furniture, accessories, few kitchen things...and like, 1500 books. (This is a conservative estimate.) We're gonna have a busy week before the move. But I'm still completely excited to be in a new place - big enough not only for both our things, but so that we can be in the same apartment but being separate doing our own thing. It will have doors! An office that can be closed off from the house - but that also has a good set of windows to let the light in. A bedroom that is not also the living room and the study. A stove that is not the same width as my Ancient Rhetoric textbook. It's a good deal.
Common wisdom says summer is almosr over. I'm not buying it. I don't start teaching or taking classes for more than a month; that's as long from now as Rhythm and Booms was from now. Awhile. Sure I have training and Caroline's paper and Welcome Week shit and all, but...summer's not over. It's just time to begin thinking about the semester, and...really, I'm ready. Provided I finished my accursed incomplete, I'm ready. I'm happy to be beginning my last year of classes with three that I am so excited about.
So...though there's been a lot of stress, and anxiety, and various other negative feelings, overall things are going pretty well for me, and I think that, even though I'm booked solid from tomorrow through the 16th, they will continue like so. After that...well, despite an inevitably stressful move I'll have just taken a nice vacation, and I'll be living in a new place with better light and enough space for all our things. I'll get two wonderful cats, I'll be able to play decorater, and I'll love being at home. This should help me finish my paper, since I'll be reveling in being home and be pleased to make it a place of work as well as leisure. And then the semester whirl begins, and hopefully all will go well.
I don't always feel great about my life of late, but that doesn't change the fact that is *is* great. I have a real summer, a superlative boyfriend, lots of fun friends to relax with, a bike that works like new, and so many other advantages.
It's different from last summer, but it's really just as wonderful, though in different ways.
Which is good, because two good summers of fun will help balance out next summer, when I will have to fight off freakouts and meltdowns and all kinds of panic. I just hope the perspective I've gained through these summers will last into the next.
Or that I get a grant that allows me to move somewhere tropical while I study. That works too.
In less than 12 hours, she'll be here in Madison. Though I've been too stressed and busy lately to be as excited as I should be by her visit, that doesn't mean I'm any less pumped about her coming. Now it's like a nice surprise, almost - I had forgotten how great it would make me feel to have her coming, and now I remember. We've never had time together like this. We've bonded a lot on family vacations, through email and phone and during holidays. But this is the first time we'll be together without any other members of the Tarsa clan, with our own base of operations and our own time. And I'm really excited. I miss my sister a lot. I get too preoccupied with my own anxieties and such about life here, and I have been forgetting how much comfort and support (and amusemen) my siblings can give me. Having Kitten (Kat to...well, everyone who's not me) here in my home and my city lets us catch up and fool around without the pressure we've always had before of other family around. Now, it's just me and her.
And I'm excited. We'll see the Farmer's Market, go biking, eat at some good restaurants, do karaoke, stay up late, bake things, bicker about family drama, maybe see a movie together, and rock out to the melodious sound of the Decemberists. I love Kat so much, am so proud of all she's done in the past few years, and I can't wait to spend this time with her. It's gonna be friggin' sweet.
I know all blood is thicker than water, but I can't help but feel that Tarsa blood is even thicker than that - like cold molasses. Not because we're such an upright, ancient and proper family, but the opposite - we're eccentric and dwindling and loud and passionate, and I feel lucky to be bonded to this crazy group of family members by such alternately practical and outlandish traits.
And these next five days should be *sweet*.
(Also, then I go to Florida with Andy. And that will also be incredibly sweet. The forecast for the next two weeks look great.)
(Until we come back, and then there's The Move. Which will be less than sweet. My books, my clothes and accessories, my furniture and kitchen, plus Andy's clothes, furniture, accessories, few kitchen things...and like, 1500 books. (This is a conservative estimate.) We're gonna have a busy week before the move. But I'm still completely excited to be in a new place - big enough not only for both our things, but so that we can be in the same apartment but being separate doing our own thing. It will have doors! An office that can be closed off from the house - but that also has a good set of windows to let the light in. A bedroom that is not also the living room and the study. A stove that is not the same width as my Ancient Rhetoric textbook. It's a good deal.
Common wisdom says summer is almosr over. I'm not buying it. I don't start teaching or taking classes for more than a month; that's as long from now as Rhythm and Booms was from now. Awhile. Sure I have training and Caroline's paper and Welcome Week shit and all, but...summer's not over. It's just time to begin thinking about the semester, and...really, I'm ready. Provided I finished my accursed incomplete, I'm ready. I'm happy to be beginning my last year of classes with three that I am so excited about.
So...though there's been a lot of stress, and anxiety, and various other negative feelings, overall things are going pretty well for me, and I think that, even though I'm booked solid from tomorrow through the 16th, they will continue like so. After that...well, despite an inevitably stressful move I'll have just taken a nice vacation, and I'll be living in a new place with better light and enough space for all our things. I'll get two wonderful cats, I'll be able to play decorater, and I'll love being at home. This should help me finish my paper, since I'll be reveling in being home and be pleased to make it a place of work as well as leisure. And then the semester whirl begins, and hopefully all will go well.
I don't always feel great about my life of late, but that doesn't change the fact that is *is* great. I have a real summer, a superlative boyfriend, lots of fun friends to relax with, a bike that works like new, and so many other advantages.
It's different from last summer, but it's really just as wonderful, though in different ways.
Which is good, because two good summers of fun will help balance out next summer, when I will have to fight off freakouts and meltdowns and all kinds of panic. I just hope the perspective I've gained through these summers will last into the next.
Or that I get a grant that allows me to move somewhere tropical while I study. That works too.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
From my 8-month-old notes for this paper:
"Much criticism focuses on these gender issues, and not this abolition, the role of the actual subject. It’s about slaves! And she doesn’t even know there aren’t mangoes in America! What the fuck."
I like the abrupt turn from scholarly into rambling madness.
I like the abrupt turn from scholarly into rambling madness.
My kingdom for a thesis
You know you're fucked when you have more than 15 pages of notes for a paper and still don't have a clue how to formulate a good thesis.
Oh, hey. Yes, it's been forever. Not having internet in my apartment has that effect. Summer's going well; though I haven't had as many adventures as last summer, it's been very relaxing. I'm trying to enjoy this last bit too, not feel like it's the end too soon. After all, it's more than a month before I go back to class or start teaching, so I've got time. Time to see my sister, bike around, go to Florida, be trained in the fine art of being a Lit TA, etc.
And move. Can't forget moving. Though at times I wish I could.
But more to the point...my EBB paper. Not going well. Granted, today is my first serious day of working on it (if three hours of rereading notes and articles while catching up with friends can be called "serious"), but...ugh. I'm reminded why I took an Incomplete in the first place. Which, by the way, I will NEVER do again. Hideous. I'm determined to finish it before summer ends though, even if that means going with a central idea that's not very good. Which it seems likely will happen. Sigh.
Still, it's kind of nice to be working, however halfheartedly, on something academic again. Somehow I still have the ability to be excited by the beginning of the year, and I can't wait to put this shriveled husk of a nightmare paper behind me and work on something fresh.
Well, "can't wait" might be a bit of a stretch, but as with last summer, I'm ready to go back to being a grad student.
Oh, hey. Yes, it's been forever. Not having internet in my apartment has that effect. Summer's going well; though I haven't had as many adventures as last summer, it's been very relaxing. I'm trying to enjoy this last bit too, not feel like it's the end too soon. After all, it's more than a month before I go back to class or start teaching, so I've got time. Time to see my sister, bike around, go to Florida, be trained in the fine art of being a Lit TA, etc.
And move. Can't forget moving. Though at times I wish I could.
But more to the point...my EBB paper. Not going well. Granted, today is my first serious day of working on it (if three hours of rereading notes and articles while catching up with friends can be called "serious"), but...ugh. I'm reminded why I took an Incomplete in the first place. Which, by the way, I will NEVER do again. Hideous. I'm determined to finish it before summer ends though, even if that means going with a central idea that's not very good. Which it seems likely will happen. Sigh.
Still, it's kind of nice to be working, however halfheartedly, on something academic again. Somehow I still have the ability to be excited by the beginning of the year, and I can't wait to put this shriveled husk of a nightmare paper behind me and work on something fresh.
Well, "can't wait" might be a bit of a stretch, but as with last summer, I'm ready to go back to being a grad student.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Also: In Books
While in NC, my mother gave me a copy of a book her book club had finished recently: Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin. After finishing it rather quickly between my flights back from Cary and my Tuesday babysitting, I found I had exactly the same opinion of it as my mother's group. It was a poorly written book about a fascinating and inspiring story.
But...not to say it's not worth reading. Upfront, the bad writing irritated me til the last. But I actually felt soothed and rather superior after being given the easy chance to identify so many ill-constructed sentences, and thus it worked itself out.
Ill writing aside (and the fact that had it been in the hands of, say, John Krakauer, it would have been full of sharp and poignant drama), it was a very good book. It's the story of a guy who's just turned thirty and has nothing concrete going at home, and who is a serious climber. He joins an expedition to K2'S summit with the vow to honor his sister who died at 23 by doing so. But he is thwarted by one of his teammate's injuries, and in his disappointed haze he drifts into an extremely remote Balti (a tribal group in Pakistan) village. Here is so impressed with the hospitality and inhabitants that when confronted with the village's lack of any school at all, he promises to build them a school. And for Mortenson, a promise is a big deal.
The rest of the book builds on this initial promise and his strugges to make it a reality. There's drama in the US (coming up with donars, a bit of romance), drama in the big Pakistani cities (buying supplies, finding a hotel), and drama in the countryside (villages squabbling over who gets the school, weather issues, many more). But what really kept me going was the calm but persistent message that if we only devoted our strength to making education possible for everyone in places like Pakistan, this would be fighting the "war on terror" in the most effective way possible. Mortenson is a compelling figure, his strengths downplayed if anything here, and one who truly - unlike so many who are billed as such - proves that anyone with conviction can make a difference. The message is relvant, humbling, inspiring and empowering.
...I just wish it was not so poorly written.
But...not to say it's not worth reading. Upfront, the bad writing irritated me til the last. But I actually felt soothed and rather superior after being given the easy chance to identify so many ill-constructed sentences, and thus it worked itself out.
Ill writing aside (and the fact that had it been in the hands of, say, John Krakauer, it would have been full of sharp and poignant drama), it was a very good book. It's the story of a guy who's just turned thirty and has nothing concrete going at home, and who is a serious climber. He joins an expedition to K2'S summit with the vow to honor his sister who died at 23 by doing so. But he is thwarted by one of his teammate's injuries, and in his disappointed haze he drifts into an extremely remote Balti (a tribal group in Pakistan) village. Here is so impressed with the hospitality and inhabitants that when confronted with the village's lack of any school at all, he promises to build them a school. And for Mortenson, a promise is a big deal.
The rest of the book builds on this initial promise and his strugges to make it a reality. There's drama in the US (coming up with donars, a bit of romance), drama in the big Pakistani cities (buying supplies, finding a hotel), and drama in the countryside (villages squabbling over who gets the school, weather issues, many more). But what really kept me going was the calm but persistent message that if we only devoted our strength to making education possible for everyone in places like Pakistan, this would be fighting the "war on terror" in the most effective way possible. Mortenson is a compelling figure, his strengths downplayed if anything here, and one who truly - unlike so many who are billed as such - proves that anyone with conviction can make a difference. The message is relvant, humbling, inspiring and empowering.
...I just wish it was not so poorly written.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Adventures in Domesticity
So today, I baked a cake.
I hadn't baked in awhile before this; I think the last baked good my mixer whipped up was the cookies for my class at the end of the semester. Maybe some pizza dough. But tonight, for some reason, I was in the mood.
Now, it wasn't necessarily the ideal time for baking. Since it was sweltering outside this afternoon, the house, and the kitchen in particular, was quite warm. Turning on the oven did not help this situation. But I perservered, and went about choosing a recipe - for chocolate cake, at Andy's request. Those that looked easiest and most reliable (New Best Recipe, Alice Waters, etc) all required buttermilk that I didn't have, so I resorted to the Bittman's chocolate cake recipe in How to Cook Everything. Now, while Bittman is without rival in terms of giving ideas, the general gist, the bones of a meal, I know from experience his baking recipes aren't the best out there. So I didn't have hopes that it would come out perfect.
So I measured, and mixed, and measured and mixed more. The damn recipe required THREE BOWLS, two mixers and innumerable other utensils. A one-bowl cake it was not. But whatever...and it was actually quite satisfying to whip the egg whites and fold them in, and see the batter become amazingly airy. The batter went in pans, then into the oven.
Now, if you know me well, you probably know I'm really sensitive and particular about my baking reputation. I made both the filling and the cake layers for Andy's birthday cake twice to make sure they would be good, and I made Andy take credit for a failed batch of oatmeal cookies when he gave them to his class. Granted, I have obstacles that aren't my fault - a terrible oven and a limited budget - but I always feel like my mistakes, whether in taste or appearance, reflect directly on me, and thus i hide them.
So when I realized I had put both the stick of butter meant for the cake AND the one softening for icing in the batter, I was rather upset. And though the cakes did set, they were aesthetically unappealing and prone to crumbling. And then the icing I made according to Bittman's specifications was too thin. And when I assembled the cake, the top layer split *spectacularly*, making for sort of a San Andreas Fault cake.
My initial reaction was not to ever show it to anyone outside the apartment. But then, upon tasting it and realizing it was fine in that regard, I decided that no one would judge me for its appearance if it brought chocolatey joy to the taste buds. So I brought it to Andy's, and I even got a few compliments.
I'm not sure what the point of this is...I guess the story is kind of, in retrospect, an allegory* about other failures of confidence on my part. My work in classes? Fine. Certainly up to task. But when it fails to meet my standards, to be perfect, I don't want anyone else to see it as I feel it reflects directly on me. Or in teaching. Or whatever.
But I brought this imperfect cake out, and everyone was glad to have it. So maybe this is a new leaf for me.
* So one of my huge pet peeves, discovered lately, is when children's media improperly defines words and concepts for young kids - ie, when Arthur defined a rhetorical question as "a question you ask even though you already know the answer." Um...no. So Melia is in a musical version of 101 Dalmations this summer, and we listen to the soundtrack all the time in the car. And the lyrics in the opening song contain the following: "Listen to our puppy allegory/that's another word for funny story." Umm...no it's not. At all. So annoying.
I hadn't baked in awhile before this; I think the last baked good my mixer whipped up was the cookies for my class at the end of the semester. Maybe some pizza dough. But tonight, for some reason, I was in the mood.
Now, it wasn't necessarily the ideal time for baking. Since it was sweltering outside this afternoon, the house, and the kitchen in particular, was quite warm. Turning on the oven did not help this situation. But I perservered, and went about choosing a recipe - for chocolate cake, at Andy's request. Those that looked easiest and most reliable (New Best Recipe, Alice Waters, etc) all required buttermilk that I didn't have, so I resorted to the Bittman's chocolate cake recipe in How to Cook Everything. Now, while Bittman is without rival in terms of giving ideas, the general gist, the bones of a meal, I know from experience his baking recipes aren't the best out there. So I didn't have hopes that it would come out perfect.
So I measured, and mixed, and measured and mixed more. The damn recipe required THREE BOWLS, two mixers and innumerable other utensils. A one-bowl cake it was not. But whatever...and it was actually quite satisfying to whip the egg whites and fold them in, and see the batter become amazingly airy. The batter went in pans, then into the oven.
Now, if you know me well, you probably know I'm really sensitive and particular about my baking reputation. I made both the filling and the cake layers for Andy's birthday cake twice to make sure they would be good, and I made Andy take credit for a failed batch of oatmeal cookies when he gave them to his class. Granted, I have obstacles that aren't my fault - a terrible oven and a limited budget - but I always feel like my mistakes, whether in taste or appearance, reflect directly on me, and thus i hide them.
So when I realized I had put both the stick of butter meant for the cake AND the one softening for icing in the batter, I was rather upset. And though the cakes did set, they were aesthetically unappealing and prone to crumbling. And then the icing I made according to Bittman's specifications was too thin. And when I assembled the cake, the top layer split *spectacularly*, making for sort of a San Andreas Fault cake.
My initial reaction was not to ever show it to anyone outside the apartment. But then, upon tasting it and realizing it was fine in that regard, I decided that no one would judge me for its appearance if it brought chocolatey joy to the taste buds. So I brought it to Andy's, and I even got a few compliments.
I'm not sure what the point of this is...I guess the story is kind of, in retrospect, an allegory* about other failures of confidence on my part. My work in classes? Fine. Certainly up to task. But when it fails to meet my standards, to be perfect, I don't want anyone else to see it as I feel it reflects directly on me. Or in teaching. Or whatever.
But I brought this imperfect cake out, and everyone was glad to have it. So maybe this is a new leaf for me.
* So one of my huge pet peeves, discovered lately, is when children's media improperly defines words and concepts for young kids - ie, when Arthur defined a rhetorical question as "a question you ask even though you already know the answer." Um...no. So Melia is in a musical version of 101 Dalmations this summer, and we listen to the soundtrack all the time in the car. And the lyrics in the opening song contain the following: "Listen to our puppy allegory/that's another word for funny story." Umm...no it's not. At all. So annoying.
Friday, June 12, 2009
My Little Sister Graduates
Wow.
She's so...old. I'm sure this sounds cliche, but...it's just the last in a series of events that make me see that my sister is in charge of her own life, is grown-up. She looked so pretty tonight (though I could barely see her from my seat), and I'm so happy for her. The summer after I graduated was one of the most memorable of my life. I hope the same for her.
I don't talk enough about my sister. It always pains me when I mention her and people say "I didn't know you had a sister!" Kat is really wonderful. Since a young age she's been more comfortable with and aware of who she is, and while she's been prone to her share of poor decisions, she's remarkably bold and lively. As someone who appeared outgoing but was really very timid in many ways at that age, I'm constantly amazed by her. She's a great friend, loyal and supportive, and a great sister. She's her own self. She's never tried to be like Ben or me, or actively not like Ben or me. She's Kat, for better or worse, and she knows it, and she's awesome.
Andddddd...she's coming to Madison in August! I bought her a trip out there for graduation, and I'm really excited to have so much time to hang out. Kitten and I have never really had much time just she and I, and it will be a nice change. Plus, it's cake to find places that don't card, so can buy her her first (American) beer).
Congratulations, Katherine. Your older sister thinks you're a remarkable person, is proud of you, and loves you very much.
(PS - It's humid as BALLS here. Ugh.)
She's so...old. I'm sure this sounds cliche, but...it's just the last in a series of events that make me see that my sister is in charge of her own life, is grown-up. She looked so pretty tonight (though I could barely see her from my seat), and I'm so happy for her. The summer after I graduated was one of the most memorable of my life. I hope the same for her.
I don't talk enough about my sister. It always pains me when I mention her and people say "I didn't know you had a sister!" Kat is really wonderful. Since a young age she's been more comfortable with and aware of who she is, and while she's been prone to her share of poor decisions, she's remarkably bold and lively. As someone who appeared outgoing but was really very timid in many ways at that age, I'm constantly amazed by her. She's a great friend, loyal and supportive, and a great sister. She's her own self. She's never tried to be like Ben or me, or actively not like Ben or me. She's Kat, for better or worse, and she knows it, and she's awesome.
Andddddd...she's coming to Madison in August! I bought her a trip out there for graduation, and I'm really excited to have so much time to hang out. Kitten and I have never really had much time just she and I, and it will be a nice change. Plus, it's cake to find places that don't card, so can buy her her first (American) beer).
Congratulations, Katherine. Your older sister thinks you're a remarkable person, is proud of you, and loves you very much.
(PS - It's humid as BALLS here. Ugh.)
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Summer Wish List
So summer is underway! So far so good...I'm working for the Allen's again, getting to be more active, eating tasty fresh (sometimes grilled!) food, and generally not being in school. It's nice.
But as we all know, summer does not last forever. So...here's a list of some of the things I want to do before it's over. Suggestions welcome.
- See more movies (including but not limited to Up and The Hangover
- Spend more time on the Terrace than last summer
- Head an ice cream crawl of State Street
- Go to a Dells water park
- Get a tan
- Hit the Farmer's market at least every other week
- Make cocktails with fresh ingredients
- Get back to NH to see friends
- Take an overnight trip somewhere nearby
- Go to Chicago to see Maeve and maybe finally some of the tourist sites.
- Spend a day at Devil's Lake
- Go to the Zoo (with my friends, not the girls)
- Keep the house neat
- Get regular exercise
- Go to at least one free concert
- Go boating as often as possible
- Bring my sister out here for a week or so
- Finish my Caroline paper
- Organize my papers
- Read at least 3 Victorian novels. Hopefully more.
- Fix my bike/get a new one
That's all I got for now...I'm sure there's more though. Let me have it if you got additions.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
What's Another Two Weeks?
So I was going to give this entry a really panicked/whiny title, but I realized that, while I do have a great deal to do in the next 13 days, it will get done, and then I have summer. So while I'm kind of hating school right now, I know I've got good stuff on the other side.
Also, as I've said before, I kind of like writing seminar papers. It's one of the only times I feel true intellectual curiosity, an active interest in finding stuff out that's completely separate from any reward I may be receiving (a grade, end of pressure, etc). I don't have an actual literature paper this term, sadly, so I'm not enjoying it as much as I might, but...I get inklings. I think when I get to my comp paper I'll feel more than now, although even working on this accursed RVC assignment gets at it. It's one of the only times I feel really secure in my chosen profession.
When I can make myself sit down and work, I really love it.
Also, as I've said before, I kind of like writing seminar papers. It's one of the only times I feel true intellectual curiosity, an active interest in finding stuff out that's completely separate from any reward I may be receiving (a grade, end of pressure, etc). I don't have an actual literature paper this term, sadly, so I'm not enjoying it as much as I might, but...I get inklings. I think when I get to my comp paper I'll feel more than now, although even working on this accursed RVC assignment gets at it. It's one of the only times I feel really secure in my chosen profession.
When I can make myself sit down and work, I really love it.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Piercings and the Past
Having lots of pictures from past times can be wonderful, but it can be cruel too. Sometimes the things you're forced to lose should just remain lost.
Also, everyone with even a passing interest in video games or documentaries should see King of Kong. It's awesome.
Also, everyone with even a passing interest in video games or documentaries should see King of Kong. It's awesome.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
More Evidence that (some) Academics are Useless
Title of an article I found today while doing research:
"A Millenium and a Half of Fern Illustrations"
"A Millenium and a Half of Fern Illustrations"
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Here Ye, Here Ye:
For the first time in almost three years, I have absolutely no balance on my credit card.
Time to go shopping!
(Just kidding.)
(Probably.)
Time to go shopping!
(Just kidding.)
(Probably.)
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
The Hazards of Love
- Trip was amazing. Hopefully more later; I have tons of work this week, which usually means more blogging.
- Apartment situation once again in minor upheaval. Being an adult can be such a pain. Guess it fits with the entry title though.
- SEEING DECEMBERISTS! So excited. Tickets were a bit pricey, but they are so worth it. Best live band I've seen. It'll be a nice reward for finishing the semester.
- So far, I'm impressed with my student's essays. Go team.
- I miss my friends.
- Apartment situation once again in minor upheaval. Being an adult can be such a pain. Guess it fits with the entry title though.
- SEEING DECEMBERISTS! So excited. Tickets were a bit pricey, but they are so worth it. Best live band I've seen. It'll be a nice reward for finishing the semester.
- So far, I'm impressed with my student's essays. Go team.
- I miss my friends.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Spring Break! Wooooo!
Wow, it's been awhile.
Life is fine. My class is getting more talkative, the weather is getting warmer, my hair is getting longer. Lost is pretty awesome. I still love my apartment, although I'm getting a bit less scrupulous about keeping it clean. My loans looks like they are *finally* coming through (long story which I cannot tell because I will throw things), and I'm leaving to see Jamie and Tom and Ed and Jim on Wednesday!
Good times, good times.
So every night before I go to bed I turn the heat way down, because I like to be able to snuggle up with lots of blankets and such. And then when my alarm first goes off I kind of lean up and shove the heat up, so that when I finally get up it will be warm. Well, today I apparently overdid the shove, because when I got home today my house was RIDICULOUSLY overheated. And I mean, I like it warm, but it was unbearable. Turns out I had turned the heat up to its literal maximum. Whoops. So now I have the fan on and the door open, and it's becoming almost bearable.
Tune in next time for another adventure in The Blonde Chronicles!
Life is fine. My class is getting more talkative, the weather is getting warmer, my hair is getting longer. Lost is pretty awesome. I still love my apartment, although I'm getting a bit less scrupulous about keeping it clean. My loans looks like they are *finally* coming through (long story which I cannot tell because I will throw things), and I'm leaving to see Jamie and Tom and Ed and Jim on Wednesday!
Good times, good times.
So every night before I go to bed I turn the heat way down, because I like to be able to snuggle up with lots of blankets and such. And then when my alarm first goes off I kind of lean up and shove the heat up, so that when I finally get up it will be warm. Well, today I apparently overdid the shove, because when I got home today my house was RIDICULOUSLY overheated. And I mean, I like it warm, but it was unbearable. Turns out I had turned the heat up to its literal maximum. Whoops. So now I have the fan on and the door open, and it's becoming almost bearable.
Tune in next time for another adventure in The Blonde Chronicles!
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Friends, Books, Wine and Future Travels
This was the happiest weekend I can remember in a very long time.
Not necessarily the most exciting, or productive, or novel, but just happiest. I saw friends, I met new people, I did some work, I spent some great time with Andy, I cooked a tasty dinner, and I just felt...happy. I'm happy. After a year spent waffling between depression, denial and exhaustion, it's a wonderful feeling. I love reading again. I love my work. I am fulfilling one of my deepest personal passions - travel - in less than three weeks. And of course, there's Andy.
Friday - friends, baking, and entertaining. Saturday - relaxation, reading, productivity and a birthday party. Sunday - napping, more reading and rehearsal. And I've got a good lesson planned for tomorrow, and all (okay, most) (ok, way more than usual) of my reading done.
I'll take it. I'll definitely take it.
Not necessarily the most exciting, or productive, or novel, but just happiest. I saw friends, I met new people, I did some work, I spent some great time with Andy, I cooked a tasty dinner, and I just felt...happy. I'm happy. After a year spent waffling between depression, denial and exhaustion, it's a wonderful feeling. I love reading again. I love my work. I am fulfilling one of my deepest personal passions - travel - in less than three weeks. And of course, there's Andy.
Friday - friends, baking, and entertaining. Saturday - relaxation, reading, productivity and a birthday party. Sunday - napping, more reading and rehearsal. And I've got a good lesson planned for tomorrow, and all (okay, most) (ok, way more than usual) of my reading done.
I'll take it. I'll definitely take it.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Content Despite Obstacles
I love my apartment.
And I think I'm going to make. After all, I always manage too.
Also, I've got so much to look forward to. And that make it so much easier.
And I think I'm going to make. After all, I always manage too.
Also, I've got so much to look forward to. And that make it so much easier.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Settling In
Well, the grind is here. Every semester I manage to forget that there's no easing into things in grad school - you start full steam and it just keeps going up. But I'm pretty content, actually.
My mixer continues to get far more exercise than me. I made white chocolate and oatmeal cookie for my class, and today I made my first attempt at bread. I'm not particularly optimistic about how it will turn out, but I know bread's tough. It'll take practice. And in the meantime, Andy can eat my imperfect loafs for breakfast.
I hate to say it, but it's true - I really miss my students from last semester. I was so lucky with that class, they were a great mix. Not that my class now is bad - the conferences I had to get to know them all a bit went pretty well. It's fascinating to me how some students display a totally different personality in informal conferences than they do in class. People who never talk in class, rarely smile, turn into these chatty, interesting characters. The most dramatic example of this was last semester - I had a student who would speak occasionally in class but generally was very reserved, but in small groups and conferences...he was completely different. Our conferences would sometimes run over time, he was so forthcoming. That's probably the thing I love most about teaching 100 - the chance to get to know my students that way. If I'd had that student in a Lit section, I might never have known how much he had to say.
I turned in my lease today. It's official - I am living here next year. I am NOT MOVING. This is like, monumental. I haven't lived in one place for more than 10 months in 6 years. It's such a nice feeling...and now I'm really going to trick the place out. Plant on the hook in the kitchen, curtains in the main room, a new stand for the TV...it's going to be a real home. I love my apartment so much.
I'm going to Columbia to meet Andy's family next weekend. I'm a little nervous, naturally, but that feeling is more or less lost under my excitement about seeing his niece. Goodness I love babies. She's a great age too, about 3 months - young enough to give you that "wow, what a tiny tiny person," but old enough to be a little fun.
I've also been chatting with the Marauders a fair bit about our upcoming reunion, which is exciting. I love planning and anticipating big trips. So fun. Looks like we might be doing some camping, actually, which I'm strangely excited about. Camping in England! Maybe near Tintern Abbey! Maybe we'll get stolen by elves or something!
This semester's going to be crazy. Bring it on.
My mixer continues to get far more exercise than me. I made white chocolate and oatmeal cookie for my class, and today I made my first attempt at bread. I'm not particularly optimistic about how it will turn out, but I know bread's tough. It'll take practice. And in the meantime, Andy can eat my imperfect loafs for breakfast.
I hate to say it, but it's true - I really miss my students from last semester. I was so lucky with that class, they were a great mix. Not that my class now is bad - the conferences I had to get to know them all a bit went pretty well. It's fascinating to me how some students display a totally different personality in informal conferences than they do in class. People who never talk in class, rarely smile, turn into these chatty, interesting characters. The most dramatic example of this was last semester - I had a student who would speak occasionally in class but generally was very reserved, but in small groups and conferences...he was completely different. Our conferences would sometimes run over time, he was so forthcoming. That's probably the thing I love most about teaching 100 - the chance to get to know my students that way. If I'd had that student in a Lit section, I might never have known how much he had to say.
I turned in my lease today. It's official - I am living here next year. I am NOT MOVING. This is like, monumental. I haven't lived in one place for more than 10 months in 6 years. It's such a nice feeling...and now I'm really going to trick the place out. Plant on the hook in the kitchen, curtains in the main room, a new stand for the TV...it's going to be a real home. I love my apartment so much.
I'm going to Columbia to meet Andy's family next weekend. I'm a little nervous, naturally, but that feeling is more or less lost under my excitement about seeing his niece. Goodness I love babies. She's a great age too, about 3 months - young enough to give you that "wow, what a tiny tiny person," but old enough to be a little fun.
I've also been chatting with the Marauders a fair bit about our upcoming reunion, which is exciting. I love planning and anticipating big trips. So fun. Looks like we might be doing some camping, actually, which I'm strangely excited about. Camping in England! Maybe near Tintern Abbey! Maybe we'll get stolen by elves or something!
This semester's going to be crazy. Bring it on.
Friday, January 30, 2009
This Time the Light's at the Beginning
I don't want to jinx myself, but I've got a really good feeling about this semester. I have an apartment I love that I don't have to move from for another 18 months, I am teaching a class I love to teach, my classes are both very very demanding and incredibly interesting, giving me the focus and challenge I need, I'm reconnecting with friends I thought were lost, and I'm crazy in love.
Oh, also I'm probably getting a cat, which I've wanted for years. And I have a sweet side job. And I'm going to see the Marauders in like 6 weeks. And I have a standing mixer. And about 13 more new episodes of Lost on the way.
It's not a bad setup. I'll definitely take it. The last few month have been rough, but suddenly...I feel much brighter about the future.* Even if that glow fades, it's still a nice way to reenter my life.
My life. This is my life now. And you know...I'm pretty happy about that.
* - Except for my incomplete in Caroline's class. Whenever I think about it, it's like a dark cloud over my happy singing world, like in that one really old Disney cartoon. I should probably take care of that before I ruin my career over it, huh?
...whatever. My life is still none too shabby - threatening unfinished paper on abolitionist poetry and all.
Oh, also I'm probably getting a cat, which I've wanted for years. And I have a sweet side job. And I'm going to see the Marauders in like 6 weeks. And I have a standing mixer. And about 13 more new episodes of Lost on the way.
It's not a bad setup. I'll definitely take it. The last few month have been rough, but suddenly...I feel much brighter about the future.* Even if that glow fades, it's still a nice way to reenter my life.
My life. This is my life now. And you know...I'm pretty happy about that.
* - Except for my incomplete in Caroline's class. Whenever I think about it, it's like a dark cloud over my happy singing world, like in that one really old Disney cartoon. I should probably take care of that before I ruin my career over it, huh?
...whatever. My life is still none too shabby - threatening unfinished paper on abolitionist poetry and all.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Kitchen Things
So as anyone who knows me can attest, if there's one thing I am not, as a rule, it's a perfectionist. I like things to get done, but I'm not fussed if they're not finished in the finest possible form they could be. For me, the pleasure is in finishing on time, not taking as long as needed to finish immaculately.
Except with baking, for some reason. I was reminded of this anomaly today, while trying to bake a cake to welcome Andy home. I mixed with painstaking slowness, making sure everything was perfect. I measured the baking soda 3 times, for goodness sake. But when I went to pour the batter into pans, I discovered that my mixer wasn't properly calibrated, and that a bunch of butter/sugar hadn't been beaten in. Despite my efforts to fix it, the cakes came out dense, overdone at the edges and just generally Not Great.
So I made them again. From scratch. And this time (I suspect due to my incredibly awful oven) they cooked OK, but mounded up terribly. And I'm fighting the urge to make them AGAIN, even though it's already 10:30.
Why am I so demanding about my baking? It's not just cakes, it's everything. And it's weird. I'll pass in a paper that's only meh, something that affects my career potentially, but I won't serve slightly overdone cake to my own boyfriend. It's like my domestic gene is working overtime to compensate for the Lost Years.
Except with baking, for some reason. I was reminded of this anomaly today, while trying to bake a cake to welcome Andy home. I mixed with painstaking slowness, making sure everything was perfect. I measured the baking soda 3 times, for goodness sake. But when I went to pour the batter into pans, I discovered that my mixer wasn't properly calibrated, and that a bunch of butter/sugar hadn't been beaten in. Despite my efforts to fix it, the cakes came out dense, overdone at the edges and just generally Not Great.
So I made them again. From scratch. And this time (I suspect due to my incredibly awful oven) they cooked OK, but mounded up terribly. And I'm fighting the urge to make them AGAIN, even though it's already 10:30.
Why am I so demanding about my baking? It's not just cakes, it's everything. And it's weird. I'll pass in a paper that's only meh, something that affects my career potentially, but I won't serve slightly overdone cake to my own boyfriend. It's like my domestic gene is working overtime to compensate for the Lost Years.
Welcome Back to Wisconsin!
It's 1.4 degrees and mockingly sunny as well. With a blizzard warning for tomorrow.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Ahhh...Hotels
There's something so nice about having a hotel room to yourself, just for one night. It's so fluffy, so arranged, so mine to do whatever I want with. Tonight, that is mostly lying in bed and watching "School of Rock," before falling asleep. But...it's just nice, the ability to drive for 13 hours to a place where you have no connections and then check in to a cozy room - and I don't even have to make the bed!
Madison tomorrow! Here's hoping my apartment didn't burn down or something equally horrible.
Madison tomorrow! Here's hoping my apartment didn't burn down or something equally horrible.
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